stupidest questions asked by tattoo shop customers

Q. Does it hurt?

A. well, "hurt" being a relative term, if you are into pain - no. if you
need to be sedated before you shave your legs - FUCK YEAH, IT HURTS!!!


Q. where is the least painful spot to get a tattoo?

A. armpit - trust me :)


Q. why do you charge so much for a tattoo?

A. because good drugs are expensive.


Q. which colors are easiest to remove by laser if i decide to have my
tattoo removed?

A. here's the door. you don't belong in my shop. buy some temporary
tattoos, big guy.


Q. what if i don't like it when you're done?

A. see that wire brush over there...


Q. do you tattoo penises? (not really frequently asked, but i had a
good answer i wanted to share)

A. yes, there's a $450.00 handling fee, plus the cost of the tattoo
and a $25.00 tip for the guy who's going to stand over your dick
with a sledgehammer in case you get stupid.


Q. are you any good?

A. NO, I SUCK!!! but, i'm too old to dance in a titty bar anymore.


Q. how many tattoos have you done?

A. including yours? counting the one i did yesterday? uhm, three.


Q. can i change the colors. like, have a tiger with PURPLE stripes?

A. sure, if you can deal with the laughter for the next 20 years or so.


Q. can you knock some money off this?

A. let's see...i can eliminate the front right leg of the panther
and make him toothless for a $25.00 discount.


Q. can my entire family, my best friend, his girlfriend, their dog
and my probation officer come back and watch while i'm getting
tattooed?

A. (a dirty look usually suffices)


Q. mind if my three-year-old eats this chocolate bar while i look
through your flash? (for the uninitiated, flash are the
pictures you look through to pick your tattoo)

A. DIE, BITCH, DIE!!!


Q. what if i pass out?

A. we dress you up funny, stick carrots up your ass and take
pictures :)


Q. what if i throw up?

A. we hand you a spoon.


Q. what if i can't take the pain? you know, if i want to stop?

A. we charge you full price once the needle touches your skin.
if you leave, we laugh about you for the next 5 years.


Q. i need to have a couple of beers before i can do this
(translation - i need to be totally shitfaced).

A. sure. now, where did you want the big dick on your fairy?


Q. i'm getting married in 2 weeks and i'd like to surprise my fiance
by putting her name on me. Can you do this in a way that would
be easy to cover up if things don't work out?

A. now THERE'S a relationship with a future


Q. i have an idea, but i'm not sure if you can do it. could i have,
like, a heart with, uhm, like, a rose behind it, uh, you know,
with one of those cute ribbon thingees going thru it with my
boyfriend's name in it? doesn't that sound TOO CUTE?!?!

A. HOLY SHIT!!! a heart with a rose and a banner?!?! you're a bloody
fucking GENIUS! Why didn't someone think of that 50 FUCKING YEARS AGO!!!


Q. i would like a full back piece. use your imagination. whatever
turns you on. i have cash. do you think you'd want to do
something like that?

A. hold on, i'm having an orgasm...